


it can't get worse until it does (Cly's Birthday Gift Remix)

by sebastian2017



Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern: Still Have Powers, Canon Disabled Character, Canon Jewish Character, Humor, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Roommates, Teenage Drama, dadneto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-08 21:37:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19876474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sebastian2017/pseuds/sebastian2017
Summary: David used to think getting one of Erik Lehnsherr's kids as his freshman year roommate is the worst thing that could ever happen to him. In reality, they end up as the best of friends and find out together that the worst thing that could ever happen to them was an unexpected visit from their fathers.





	it can't get worse until it does (Cly's Birthday Gift Remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [David and the twins](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/500089) by cly-art. 
  * In response to a prompt by [cly31225](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cly31225/pseuds/cly31225) in the [xmen_remix_madness2019](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/xmen_remix_madness2019) collection. 



> Here is some ridiculousness with the twins and David (and extra David POV because he's our baby). Enjoy, Cly! <3  
> This is a fic leading up to the moment of her art, so definitely go check it out when you're done!
> 
> CW: anti mutant slurs, drug use, swearing, food, alcohol, implied sex

The university knew exactly what it was doing when it made them roommates. There’s no way around it. The sons of two well known political rivals don’t get placed in the same room by accident. David is sure if he asked whoever was in charge of freshman housing, they’d say this was just one of the many ways the college encouraged diversity and difficult conversations. David is also sure that if he dipped into their mind, he would find out they’d just been roommed together to give the residential life staff a bit of a laugh. 

It’s the first night of orientation and David is sat across from, of all people, Pietro Maximoff. Son of Erik Lehnsherr, the well known mutant activist and separatist who was  _ very  _ vocal about his disagreements with integrationist advocate Charles Xavier. Also known to David as just ‘Dad’. David supposes that at least he doesn’t have to worry about getting called a mutie in his own room or treyf being brought into their shared minifridge. Still, he has no idea where to even begin in a situation like this. Judging from the way Pietro is sat cross legged on his creaky twin mattress and staring quietly at David, he probably feels the same. 

“For what it’s worth,” David says, because the silence is starting to weigh heavily on him, “I think my dad’s full of shit.” 

“Oh. Cool. Uh… Not that I don’t think fighting for our rights isn’t important and all that, but I was really hoping for a semi-normal college experience. You know. Cheap beer, weed, girls. That sort of stuff. Not… a continuation of my politically active upbringing,” Pietro says, shifting uncomfortably. 

David laughs and reaches into his backpack so he can toss Pietro a plastic baggie of weed he’d brought with him to hold him off until he finds a plug on campus. “Don’t worry, man. I’m with you on that one.”

“ _ Dude! _ This is awesome. You’re awesome.” Pietro laughs. “Hey, wanna go smoke and egg frat boys’ cars?” 

“Fuck yeah, I do.” David nods, grabbing his grindr and rolling paper out of the same pocket and going to sit at the desk with all his supplies. 

Pietro hands him the baggie back and asks, “Mind if I invite my sister along? She’s super cool and totally understands the whole ‘growing up with a public figure as a dad’ bullshit.”

“Be my guest.” David shrugs. 

This isn’t so bad, in the grand scheme of things. Getting roomed with a Lehnsherr kid was probably the worst case scenario and it seems to be working out pretty well. Maybe freshman year won’t be so terrible. After all, things can’t get much worse than this. 

\----

Things can get worse. They can get so much worse.

\----

Even though her and Pietro only live two floors away from each other, making the walk to deliver  _ The News  _ seems absolutely eternal. It doesn’t help that she feels like she might throw up any second now. Wanda knocks when she gets to their door, just to make sure Ruth and David aren’t hooking up or something. She doesn’t need more suffering in her life. A moment later, David nudges at his mind to let her know it’s okay to come inside. 

Wanda walks in and doesn’t bother waiting for the door to close behind her to announce, “I have terrible fucking news.” 

“Terrible  _ fucking  _ news? Not just terrible news? I’m shaking in my boots.” Pietro snickers. 

“Hey, maybe we’re reading it wrong. Maybe it’s terrible news  _ about  _ fucking,” David suggests, because the only thing worse than Pietro is Pietro joined forces with David. “Was that guy from the swim team not all you thought he’d be?”

“Oh, shut up. I hate you both.” Wanda huffs and picks up a discarded t-shirt from the bedroom floor to throw in Pietro’s face. 

Pietro pouts as he lobs it back at her. “David said stuff, too! Why don’t you throw shit at him?” 

“Because he’s not my dumb twin brother. Can you two listen for one second?” Wanda goes to sit up on the desk, because no way is she sitting on their bedsheets. Not a chance. “There’s going to be a lecture series next weekend on Mutant History, Culture, and Activism.” 

“What? Did they find more Humanity First graffiti in the library? Let me guess, they got creative this time and said ‘Death to  _ all  _ muties’ instead of just ‘Death to muties’.” David laughs. 

Wanda is sure he won’t be laughing in a second. “I don’t know why and I don’t really care. Here’s the terrible part. Our dads are coming to talk.” 

“ _ What?!”  _ Pietro bolts upright. David shrieks just the same and spills water all over his bed in his haste to stand up. 

Wanda nods grimly. “It’s true. I already called Papa and asked if it was just some terrible prank. He assured me he’s  _ very  _ excited to come visit us.” 

“Fuck. Fucking fuck.” David goes to their closet and pulls out a bottle of vodka to pour out drinks for all of them. It probably isn’t the healthiest of coping mechanisms, but fuck it. They’ll all be dead from climate change soon anyway. “It’s only November and they’re already ruining our lives here. What the actual fuck.”

“Papa gets here on Wednesday. Maybe you should check with your dad to see when he’s arriving?” Wanda suggests. 

David shudders at the very thought. “Hell no. He might get crazy ideas like thinking I’m looking forward to seeing him or something.”

“Maybe we can disappear for the weekend. Like, hop on my back and run to Disney World or something,” Pietro offers. 

“As tempting as that is, the only thing worse than our dads showing up here is probably setting them on some worldwide chase because they can’t find us at school.” David sighs. 

As much as Wanda hates to admit it, he’s probably right. She takes a long drink straight from the bottle and grimaces at the way it burns down her throat. “We’ll just have to get a battle plan together.” 

That gets agreement from the whole group and soon enough, they’re all sat on the floor around a giant Post-It note writing down the rules for their father visit. After an hour or so of arguing, they have the final draft hung up behind David’s Mutants Unite tapestry, for easy hiding in case one of their fathers comes to the room while they’re not around. 

**Rules For The Visit From Hell:**

  1. **Move drugs + alc to David’s closet**
  2. **Under NO circumstances are Charles or Erik to be invited to David and Pietro’s room**
  3. **If they get in anyway, initiate CODE RED (text groupchat + reach out mentally to David)**
  4. **Buddy system. Twins look after each other. Ruth sticks with David. Message groupchat with SOS when conflicting schedules leave you alone.**
  5. **Offer to have ONE dinner together with your dad before Saturday so he won’t have reason to stick around after the lecture.**
  6. **Pray**



\------

David’s dad is the first one to arrive on campus. Pietro is sympathetic to his plight, but makes sure he and Wanda are very far away while David is entertaining his father. Sure he could stick around to offer moral support, but he and Wanda are probably better off conserving their energy for when their father arrives. Besides, he and David had successfully withheld just enough information from their fathers that neither knows exactly who his son is rooming with. They both prefer it stays that way, lest they get recruited as collegiate spies (Pietro and Wanda) or peacemaking tributes (David). It’s imperative their plan goes well. 

So, of course, their father just  _ has  _ to arrive early and surprise them in the middle of the quad. Why wouldn’t things grow unnecessarily complicated? Thankfully, Pietro and Wanda are already together when they spot him, so their buddy system isn’t completely ruined. Wanda elbows him in the ribs far harder than necessary and points across the lawn, where their father and Professor Frost are sat in a pair of lawn chairs. This is… terrible. Disastrous. Pietro is just about to grab Wanda’s arm and run them both out of here as fast as possible, but Erik sees the both of them and waves them over. So much for that. 

Any message they try broadcasting for David would almost certainly be intercepted by Professor Frost, so as they walk over, Pietro pulls his phone out to send a frantic text to David. Only to have his phone turn off all on its own and float out of his hands, alongside Wanda’s, until reaching their father. 

“Really, you two? Texting before I even get a hello?” Erik asks, giving them his trademark Disappointed Dad Look. “I thought I’d raised you better than that.”

“We weren’t expecting you until tomorrow morning, Papa,” Pietro says, grimacing as he tries unsuccessfully to grab their phones back. But no, even if they get them back, he’s sure they’ve been messed with so they won’t turn on until Erik wants them on again. 

Erik shrugs. “I found an earlier flight and decided to take it. See the two of you, chat with some friends on faculty before the lectures, and all that stuff. I figured you’d be glad for a chance to eat something not from a dining hall. I’ll buy, of course.” 

“Of course. That sounds… great.” Pietro barely suppresses a grimace. 

“I’ll leave you to your kids, sugar,” Professor Frost says, looking like she’s getting far too much pleasure from Pietro and Wanda’s suffering. “We’ll meet up again before your lecture.” 

Erik agrees and waves goodbye to her before he starts ushering the twins away from the quad. “I saw this lovely kosher restaurant on my drive from the airport. I was thinking we’d go there for lunch.”

“I’m guessing this isn’t the sort of invitation we can say no to?” Wanda sighs. “Can we at least get our phones back?” 

Their father just laughs. “After lunch. Or else I won’t get a word out of you, I’m sure.” 

Pietro and Wanda both know he means it, because they’ve been at their father’s mercy like this before. Texting won’t be an option, it seems. That leaves reaching out to David telepathically. Pietro suddenly wishes they’d practiced more. The twins are both decent at reaching out to David when they’re in their rooms or bored in class. When they’re worked up in a panic and the plan is falling apart in front of them? Not so great. Wanda must not be having much success either, judging from the panicked glances they keep throwing at each other. 

He can’t imagine it getting much worse, so of course, it does. Not even thirty seconds after they walk in, David is dragged along inside by his father. Because why not? For one horrifying, terrible moment, only the twins and David realize what’s going on and they stare at each other in pure horror. Pietro had suspected their plan wouldn’t work forever, but he’d still thought they’d make it through a day, at least. Pietro is beginning to weigh the pros and cons of grabbing Wanda and David and just speeding them out of here, even if they never see their cellphones again, but their fathers are too fast for that. 

“Xavier,” Erik says dryly, turning to face him properly. 

“Ah, Erik. What a coincidence,” Charles agrees. He smiles at Erik so politely, that it can’t be anything but fake. 

Before Pietro can even wonder if things can get any worse, one of the waiters comes over and claps both David and Pietro in the back. “Hey, you three. I don’t usually see you here outside of the weekend. Should I put in an order for your usual?” 

And just like that, their entire plan falls apart right in front of them. Both their fathers turn to them, frowning curiously. Even with how fast he thinks, Pietro can’t fathom how they’ll lie themselves out of this one. Maybe David can mindwipe everyone in the restaurant. Maybe Wanda can jump them all to some alternate reality. Maybe Pietro can run fast enough to turn back time, like that one Superman cartoon. Maybe they can just accept their fate and find a nice corner to lay down and die. 

“Pietro… Do you know that boy?” Erik asks, looking between David and the twins with increasing concern. 

David is the first to admit defeat, it seems, and he gestures towards Pietro. “Hey, Dad, remember my roommate Peter? This is Pietro and sometimes he goes by Peter.” 

“...and I presume the David you’ve told me about has been David Haller all along?” Erik guesses. 

“Yup.” Pietro nods. “Surprise?” 

“For what it’s worth, Mr. Lehnsherr, I think you’re way smarter than my Dad,” David offers. Erik laughs at that, at least, which is a point in their favor, at least. 

Charles lets out a weary sigh and turns to the poor waiter, who’s mostly been standing there, looking like he might faint any second. “We’ll take a table for five, please.” 

\-----

Lunch goes about as well as expected. There’s a lot of arguing, a lot of guilt tripping about keeping secrets from their fathers, and a lot of awkward silence from the kids. Honestly, David thinks it would have been more efficient if their fathers had just gone to lunch on their own, considering they spend more time bickering with each other than actually talking to their respective children. David pokes at his falafel wrap and wonders if they might still be able to figure out an escape plan. 

_ What do the two of you think about sneaking out while they argue? They’re so focused on each other, they probably wouldn’t even notice us leaving, _ David suggests, reaching out to Wanda and Pietro. 

Pietro immediately looks over to David with wide, pleading eyes.  _ Yes. Please. I’m begging you, get us out of here.  _

David nods and nudges very gently at their fathers’ minds, subtle enough that they likely won’t notice in the middle of their conversation, but enough of a push that they suddenly find themselves paying no attention whatsoever to their peripheral vision as David and the twins get out of their chairs and hightail it out of there as quietly as possible. As soon as the restaurant door closes behind them, Pietro grabs onto the both of them and speeds them to their dorm entrance. 

“This is worse than I could have ever imagined,” Pietro complains, scanning the three of them in and immediately falling on a nearby couch to lay out dramatically. He looks like someone’s shot him and left him for dead. Honestly, what their fathers did was only a few steps below that. 

David nods grimly. “It is. I’m going to go warn Ruth about how everything’s gone to shit. After that, how about we lock ourselves up in our room for movie night?” 

“I’ll grab the Manischewitz we left in my room,” Wanda offers. “I have a feeling we’ll need it.” 

“Great. See you all upstairs in a bit,” he says, then heads off towards Ruth’s hall. 

He lets himself into her room, since he’d already warned her telepathically that he was on his way. She winds up being not nearly as much help she’d hoped. Mostly, she just laughs at him and the whole situation. David pouts until she kisses it away, then dares to ask her if she’d seen it coming with her powers. When she doesn’t respond, he pouts even more, too much for even a few kisses to take away. He stays in her room longer than intended, doing the combination of whining and making out only a college freshman can achieve. She gets an invite to movie night, as well, with the promise that David will personally supply the most awesome audio description around, but she has far too much homework to get done. So after assuring her that he’ll come back down once they’ve reevaluated the plan, David leaves her room. 

Wanda’s probably already upstairs, but her and Jean’s dorm is on the way to his and Pietro’s, so David sees no great burden in double checking. Just like Wanda comes in and out of his room without much warning, David’s also grown used to going into her room without knocking first. That winds up being his downfall. As soon as he opens the door, he spots two half dressed men tangled up on the floor. He recognizes them, regretfully, as his dad and Erik. It’s not like this is the first time David’s walked in on his father having sex, but seeing his too pale ass never gets less traumatic. And at least, his father never hooked up anywhere David sleeps. He can’t say the same for the twins. 

“Dad! What the fuck!” he shrieks, throwing the first blanket he reaches over the two of them and covering his eyes. He makes a mental note to buy Jean a new blanket. Scratch that, he’ll buy Jean and Wanda a whole new room. 

“David!” Charles eases Erik off his waist and sits up. “What are you doing here?” 

“Me? What are  _ you  _ doing here? This is Wanda’s room!” he reminds them. 

Charles nods slowly. “Right. Well. See, the thing is, when we noticed you kids were gone, we paid the bill and came looking for you. We checked Wanda’s room first and got to arguing and-” 

“And perhaps we got a bit carried away,” Erik finishes. 

A horrible, terrible, no good realization dawns upon David. “Oh,  _ fuck _ . This isn’t the first time you’ve hooked up, is it?” 

“Your father and I tend to attend the same conferences and they get a bit rowdy sometimes.” Erik shrugs. 

David is going to die. He’s going to throw up first, then die. Maybe he’ll choke on his vomit. Or slip on it and hit his head. Maybe he should take initiative and just jump out a window. Actually, no, because then the twins will have to deal with this on their own and that’s not fair to them either. They have to stay strong as a united front. Stronger together and all that. David gags once more and steps back out into the hallway. 

“Get a room!  _ Your own room! _ ” he yells as he slams the door shut. 

He turns and bolts down the hallway as fast as he can, lest his father decide to come after him for one of their Talks while he was still only half dressed. It wouldn’t be a first. David runs into his room, almost tripping over Wanda on the floor in his haste to shut the door and lock it. That wouldn’t do much against the twins’ father if he comes looking, but David will transport them all to the goddamn astral plane if he has to.

“Drink. Fuck, I need a drink,” David insists, reaching blindly for the drawer where they keep their stash. “My eyes are  _ burning!”  _

“Dude! You look like shit. What happened?” Pietro asks. 

“Wanda! Oh, Wanda, I am so sorry,” David says, turning to her. “Wanda, you can never go back to your room again. Stay here with us if you need. Or with Ruth or something. But you can never go back. You’re better off burning everything inside there, as well, and just starting fresh.” 

Wanda laughs. “David, what are you going on about.” 

David opens the first bottle of wine he finds and takes a  _ loooong  _ drink straight from the bottle. “Our fathers. Fucking. Your floor. I just walked in on our fathers fucking on your floor. The worst part? It’s not even the first time they’ve hooked up.” 

Pietro immediately starts yelling his disgust and asking a million questions, while Wanda is just overcome by a thousand yard stare. She reaches forward and David gladly passes her the wine. She’s earned it. “I can never go back to my room again,” she agrees. 

“Nope. And I… I need drugs. So many drugs.  _ All  _ of the drugs. That’s my only hope of getting that image out of my mind.” David shudders and goes for their smoke stash. This occasion probably calls for something stronger than weed, but the twins have never been fond of anything harder than that, and David respects that. He’ll just get incredibly, incredibly cross faded. 

Pietro’s finally calmed down a bit and goes to set up their movie, as well as get snacks out for them. Wanda’s on drinks duty and sets up a corner with all the alcohol they could ever need. They might actually need a bit more after what David’s seen, but this will have to do. Meanwhile, David rolls a few joints for them and packs a few bowls as well, because no way is he going to be sober for any part of his father’s visit. Nope. 

“Okay. New plan,” Pietro says, settling up on his bed as the movie begins to play. “Tonight, we get lit as fuck, pretend we know nothing, and live the blissful life of orphans we’ve always wanted. Tomorrow, we find out what the hell is going on between our dads.” 

“Sounds good. Especially the first half,” David agrees, grabbing his lighter and leaning up against Pietro’s bed. 

Wanda nods, as well, though she still looks nauseous. “Were they really on my floor, David?” 

David just wordlessly passes her one of their bongs. 

**Author's Note:**

> for questions, prompts, or chatting I can be found on tumblr at [sebbym17](http://sebbym17.tumblr.com/)


End file.
